You can't drive forward if you are always looking in your mirrors. Where you fix your eyes… it matters.
This week I decided to take a break from social media. Here's why:
One I saw a Matthew McConaughey ad that said, “can you just take 3 months to take care of yourself. Turn it all off. Focus on you.” I honestly look at Social Media a little like work. In ways I like it. I try to be positive and inclusive, inviting people into what I'm doing like bible study and book club… Real Estate about did me in with Social Media, I was so sick of my own face. It's part of the job, in a way, but man, I don't really like being my own brand. So many people are on social media, and I've tried hard over the years to be a voice of positivity, to be authentic, to point people towards Jesus… but it hasn't happened without people feeling hurt, left out, uninvited, offended, and so many other things. I have done social media and just kept trying… but it's not really a rewarding mode of communication. Anyway, I've been intentional and FAR from perfect or awesome. But, I've made a lot of amazing friends on social media in real life. I've been encouraged, connected, inspired, I have learned and it's forced me to think differently. I actually like social media… I get my news there, I think my perspective is forced to be challenged… It's a mix!
BUT… I'm in a new season.
Here's what I am realizing: I keep thinking of Abraham being called to a new land. He and his family had to leave one area where they were known and comfortable and go somewhere else. “Now the LORD said to Abram, ”Go from you country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed." So Abram went, as the LORD had told him, and Lot went with him…" Genesis 12:1-4 ESV
Do you remember way later when Lot's wife looked back and died?
I was rambling in the car with a friend, who's also a therapist and she challenged me a bit by saying, “Yeah, but you chose this.” She's right. I had a lot of choices along the way. I think she was trying to help me get over the hump of grief. I keep asking myself, what can I own in this. I did choose to be here. I could be there, but I choose to be here. There is a new layer of peace coming as I take ownership of where I am today. I don't think I could have made all this happen. I do believe God has led us here, invited us, called us… but I am here. I woke up every day and made decisions to land me here.
What does this have to do with Abram? Well, I guess when we move from one place we know to a new place, at least I miss what was comfortable. I can look back. I want to included in the parties back home, but I'm not there anymore. If Abraham was always looking back, he wouldn't be able to step into the land and the promises God had in front of him. He had to keep walking forward, following God's leading. Into the unknown, following. God who promises to be with us, go before us and hem us in from behind. But, it's a promise land. It's a land that we haven't seen yet. To get there it takes hope, trust, hardship, longing, uncertainty, missteps, faith, and a gracious God who is worthy of our follow.
I feel like that, like I have made an agreement with God to press on, to keep running this race He has called me to. I don't really know where we are headed. I know He is at the helm. I know my feet will fail me and He will rescue me, guide me, pick me up when I fall, heal me, and bless me… but I keep looking back. And when I do, I get really sad, and then we have to rehearse again and again and again why we left, who is leading, why it hurts, what I am choosing to miss, where we are going, who is leading… and then there's a piece of me that feels really sad I'm not back where I am comfortable, known, and I COULD go back… I really wish we were all on the journey together…
But, every time I look at social media lately I get a lot of head trash… saying look they are still partying it up at home and you are not there. Call it fomo, call it grief, call it homesick, call it a horse wanting to run to the barn, or Froto longing for the Shire, but at the end of the day…I am HERE. God has put people around me, some new, some old, some ahead of me. Some of us are called onto different paths. I just can't take the constant reminder of where I am not. I'm having a hard time focusing on what's ahead because I keep looking all around. I saw Dion Sanders talk about a running back with the ball sprinting towards the end zone, he said, don't look back. I'm not saying I'll never go on social media. I will. It's a part of our world. But, I guess I am taking another step, to heal, to focus, to be present, to eliminate some head trash… to listen, and stop looking back. God is HERE, in our NOW, and HE is making all things NEW. I trust HIM. He calls us to follow HIM. When He calls us to leave it doesn't really make sense. There's not a great explanation. Here's some meat to the example, we are not at Flatirons anymore. We were there for 24+ years. We miss a lot of things about it, people there, what God is up to… but it's not where he has us. Do we miss parts… yes. It's not super helpful for me to see all the things going on at Flatirons all the time on my social media. I just don't need to keep having the conversation that says, “Jen, God is doing something cool there, but you are here. I know you miss it, but I want you here. Hey, Jen… do you trust me. I know…. we are going this way. Hey… stop watching that… they are doing their thing… that's great… hey. hey…. um Hi… can I have your attention over here….” That's how I feel everytime I look at social media. It takes me out of the present and transports me to a million different places that God hasn't called me. I'm here. God has me right HERE. I choose to be here. Yes, I'd love to be with Taylor Swift and Travis meeting the Royal Kids in London, but I'm here. Yes, I'd love to be on that hike, or in that vacation, or with those people, or serving with that team…. but that's me looking at a million different maps and life plans in a matter of minutes, and I lose focus. I lose heart. I miss the joy in the present, I miss being present, right here where God has me. This moment.
Habits for healing… permission to turn off social media, permission to stop looking to the side, or back, or ahead, and to refocus, recenter, to trust GOD is calling you, leading you, He is with you, and it's okay you aren't living in any other reality, life plan, or story. Be here. Where God has you today. Take note of your heart, and your head. If social media is driving you around into the land of I wish, I miss, I need, I want, I am…. take a breath. Turn it off… for a long time… get back into the WORD OF GOD and let GOD show you the plans HE has for YOU (not them… YOU) in this life, in your next steps, in your next choices. YOU and HIM cause HE has something to show YOU… HE created YOU for a purpose. HE has a plan for YOUR life…. so stop looking at theirs. It's not really serving you to listen to a million GPS's a day, just pay attention to your route, your guide, RUN with perseverance the race marked out for YOU… FIXING your EYES (not on social media, not on other people's lives) FIXING your eyes on JESUS the author and perfecter of our faith…
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Do Not Grow Weary
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." Hebrews 12:1-3
This is me preaching to myself… doing my work… hoping as I try and continue to heal, you too may be healed by the power of God and HIS word, the leading of the Holy Spirit, and JESUS! I need you Jesus to deliver me from myself!
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