60 Day Challenge

Can you guess what 4 letter word and 5 letter word that came to my mind when I began this 60 day challenge at LifeTime Fitness?

FEAR & SHAME
Sunday, June 5th I weighed in and signed up for a 60 Day Challenge with LifeTIME Fitness. I have NEVER signed up for a fitness challenge at LifeTIME before and the main reasons are FEAR and SHAME.

I am afraid I am going to fail. I am afraid that people will see how I eat, how I feed my family and how much I struggle to make good decision and I will be judged, mocked and despised. I am afraid of trying because I am afraid I can not change. I am afraid of knowing that I tried and I really can't do it. I am afraid that I will try, fail and then just be aware that I am officially stuck.

I feel a heavy cloak of shame over my absolute addiction to sugar. I have five 20 oz. sugar filled coffee drinks a week. Not only is this addiction a financial burden, a complete addiction to sugar and caffeine but I'm also passing this bad habit onto my kids. Today my daughter said, "I'm doing what she's doing." I am setting an example for my kids and they are falling right in line. I have a family of sugar addicts, they are 9, 11 and 13 years old. In college my friends made fun of me saying I could live on an M&M diet. I don't know if I can quit. I want to change. I am ashamed and afraid. I am ready to take this addiction on.

MUG SHOT! HI! My name is Jen and I am addicted to sugar. Not only am I addicted to sugar, but I have led my kids into a life style of sugar addiction. I get a sweet sugar coffee 5 days a week. This is a financial burden. This is an addiction. I need help and I'm starting with this 60 day challenge. For myself and the good of my family. My daughter said, "I'm doing what she's doing." I'm going to try and kick my habit. It's going to be hard. A shift in life style is hard. I'm ready. Here we GO!

My friend Liz asked me if I wanted to join this challenge. I know I need help. I am stuck. In the last year we have moved, both my husband and I changed jobs and we are finally getting our feet underneath us again. I still have unpacked boxes in my bedroom staring at me as I type. Even though we are still a bit undone, I'm ready for change. I want to feel better. I'm just a few months away from my 40th birthday and the weigh is getting harder and harder to keep at bay. My kids are doing what I do. It's scaring me. I can only help them make good choices if I learn to make better choices. I see their energy tank, I see the sugar spike after a coke and the headaches when they don't have sugar. I joined this challenge for me but, I know it will be good for all of us.

Ready? I am seeing a nutritionist in a week. She asked if I would eat 'normally' for 3 days so she could see where I am at. Deep breath. I'm tracking my food in My Fitness Pal. Three 'normal' days before I get serious about my sugar intake and nutrition.

I'm going to keep updating my blog on this post. Let's see how it goes!



DAY 1
JUNE 5, 2016
BMI 26%
WEIGHT 128.1 lbs

CHECK IN: Today I felt like crap. Mai and I both had to take a Benadryl after our gelato and pizza. It could have been the eggs. I'm exhausted. My body hurts. 

BEFORE PICTURES (SHAME, SHAME, SHAME.... I AM INCREDIBLY EMBARRASSED)

SHAME has cost me a lot. I don't want to be in a swim suit in public, so I take my kids to the pool and cover up. My shame has cost me playing carelessly in the pool with my kids. Shame has cost me intimacy in my marriage. My shame robs me of joy. I want more joy!

This is a HUGE step of courage for me. I'm going to face my addictions and my fears and try to live a healthier happier life style.

I am not joking about my sugar intake. Check it out. This is my day 1 'normal' weekend food diary.

Every weekend we have a pizza night. Today we had pizza for lunch and I had a leftover piece for dinner. It was yummy. I'm trying to keep it real here! My first 3 days I'm trying to do life as usual in order to help the nutritionist at LifeTime know where I am honestly starting from. 

Check back here for progress reports!

My LifeTime nick name is Colorado Love

#summerbodygameon, lt60daychallenge

DAY 2
JUNE 6, 2016

WEIGHT 127.8 lbs.

CHECK IN: I had a day that took a bunch of unexpected turns. I didn't plan food well for being in the car for 5 hours. This never turns out well. I'm going to bed pretty hungry. I think if I make better food choices I won't be hungry. Looking forward to more input. What I really want right now is oatmeal chocolate chip cookies dipped in milk. If I had them, that would be a normal choice right now for me. 

Day 2. This was also a 'normal' day to help the
nutritionist know my regular eating patterns.
Truth is I'm going to try and go to bed, but I'm hungry.
I would not 'normally' go to bed hungry.
Nothing sounds good. I'm tired and going to try and get some rest!

Day 1 A 'normal' day. This was also a weekend.
I am typically more carefree with my
eating on the weekends.

I am still trying to eat 'normal' to record where I am and figure out where I need to be. I'm looking forward to talking with the nutritionist at LifeTime Fitness about what I eat, what I should change and how many calories I should have. According to the My Fitness Pal app I should have 1200 calories, without working out. I went over again today. I really like the app. It's giving me great awareness.

I dropped my daughter off at a camp this morning and run into a Starbuck to use their bathroom. Crickets. The place was empty. I was hoping to sneak in unnoticed but as the three baristas stared at me with obligatory grins I responded with an obligatory grande iced caramel macchiato order. I saved it for my afternoon snack. Later we ran to Costco and my kids wanted churros and ice cream. I said yes to both. I reminded them that we are working on change, but we are going to get more serious in two days. I did say no to the bottled frappuccino mix, yes to Izzy's. Where do you draw the line? I really don't know. There was no push back on the "no" to the bottled frappe. I think my kids want to make healthy choices too. We just aren't used to it. We laughed a lot tonight while we walked through Costco. Life is so much more than what we eat. ARGH. I just remembered I forgot to pick up my contacts. I'm pretty sure that was a driving factor of going to Costco. There was an elderly lady waiting to be helped and another couple at the counter and I figured I should swing back by at the end. I was probably too distracted with churro talk. 

I was starving tonight. Dinner time came and I realized that I had a meeting in 7 minutes so I ran out the door with an apple and a Justin's Maple Almond Butter packet. I took a few bites of pizza then threw the rest away and snacked when I got home. 

DAY 3
JUNE 7, 2016

WEIGHT 128.1 lbs.

CHECK IN:
Last day of 'normal' eating & drinking. I was tracking our normal patterns of eating and drinking for 3 days before I meet with the Life Time Fitness nutritionist. I've been tracking my eating on my fitness pal. It's great awareness, but keeping it real is embarrassing. It's my life, it's real. This is our last day of 'normal.' We had hopefully our last candy bar coffee. Kissing it goodbye, and enjoying every last ounce. Going from 5 days a week to.... None... Or maybe one a month... I don't know, but breaking this sugar addiction... It's about to get real. We will need your help friends. June 8th- the battle begins. I'm also trying to get the whole family moving more. My boys and I did an interval walk run to Which Wich today. We walked past 10 trees then ran past 10 trees on the way there and walked home. They made it 5.5 miles. Normal life- we would have driven. The road to life style changes continues. #SummerBodyGameOn #owiningmyinfluence #coloradolove

"Normal" Breakfast for me. Note: I have calories remaining. I have often worked out hard so I can eat sweets. 

"Normal" Lunch.

YEP, like a kid. Skip dinner and go for the dessert. "Normal" A late coffee to hold me over while I'm running carpool, then join in for dessert. GAME ON! I have some work to do. Yes, I did this with my family too. I'm telling you, it's tough to own your influence. It's pretty rough being honest too. I'm really embarrassed to admit this. SHAME. FEAR. I could keep this in the dark for a long time or I can acknowledge it and take some small steps, one day at a time towards making better choices. Tonight my daughter said, "I can't wait to start eating better tomorrow. I feel horrible."
I am owing my influence.
Battle begins now.

DAY 4

JUNE 8, 2016

WEIGHT 127.4 lbs.

CHECK IN: I was LMAO on the way home from a spin class when my husband commented in reply to a "Do you feel sexy?" comment from a song. He said, "No, I feel like a fat couch potato sweating my ass off awkwardly on the bicycle." You have to start somewhere. 

RELATIONSHIP BUILDING DURING SPIN CLASS: Do I believe you will ask for what you want? Ask for what you want. I learned something else today in this spin class. This was my husband's first spin class and my inner dialog was annoying me, "Shoot, he forgot his water. Think he wants some of mine? I wish his seat was higher. We should have come earlier. You didn't set him up well for his first experience with a spin class." 

Then, I had this great reminder, "Jen, he's a grown man and he can ask for what he wants." 

Ask for what you want. This is something I've been practicing lately and trying to teach my kids too. On the way home I told Scott what I was thinking, he said, "Yes, I'll ask for what I want." Building this principle into our family seems like building on bedrock. Asking for what you want allows us to ask, without fear or shame, honestly for what we want. My pride can get in the way. My anxiety can jump the gun. When I remember, "I can ask for what I want. Scott can ask for what he wants." It allows me to relax, sit back and enjoy the ride. 

Shout out to Emily B's Spin class at Life Time Fitness!
She has a ton of energy, great music and a great instructor.
Thanks for helping us get our cardio workout in!

 The best part of getting up early. Deep inhale. Thank you God. Great is your faithfulness.

DAY 5

JUNE 9, 2016

WEIGHT 127.6 lbs.

CHECK IN: Today was really hard. I had sugar withdrawal headaches all day. My kids were also craving sugar. I'm hoping tomorrow is better. I did run/walk, I had to busy my brain or I was going to stop. I did this by listening to a great story being retold of Samson, so good. Overall, mentally today it was rough.

I ran early this morning and I am always hoping to see something beautiful. My run was just hard. After my run I took some friends to the airport and I saw this majestic mountain view with a basket full of people enjoying it! Beauty sustains me. I believe that God created all things and if I get to glimpse at His glory everyday it reminds me of His goodness.

TGFF: THANK GOD FOR FRIENDS

Midday I got this text from a friend who is also trying to be aware and accountable to how she cares for her body. This text string made me laugh and reminded me I am not alone. After the laugh I had a little more energy to make it through the rest of the day.

My friend commenting on her breakfast breakdown. Me commenting on how I am feeling. 

LOL. Laughter is good. I so needed this laugh right this minute. Thanking God for dear friends. It's a battle.

BALANCE: FOOD TRUCK NIGHT 

We just moved into a new neighborhood and tonight was food truck night. My husband is gone and I was terrified to go alone. It just feels awkward to me to stand around a bunch of strangers, smile and hope to spark up a conversation. The truth is I want to get to know my neighbors, I just had to force myself to face my fear. What fear? The fear of being alone. That feeling of being unknown, not worthy and left out. It takes time, effort and a little awkwardness to make friends. I forced myself to go. We walked there. I thought this would help to shake my nerves, get steps in and I am WAY better and walking and talking then standing and talking. 

WHAT TO EAT? I checked out the menu before hand and noticed that the mail meal truck was all fried food. I grabbed dinner from Whole Foods to eat at home. I had sushi. YUM. I told the kids they could have ice cream from the food truck tonight. I had a taste of the cookies and cream, and the chocolate. My boys met 2 boys their age. I met one woman, saw one person I knew and said hi and I met one lady on the way home who was walking her dog. They were all delightful. I will go to food truck night again. It was fun. I kept it short, but it was still really nice. 

BALANCE: I don't want our eating habits to isolate us. I think moderation is closer to the lifestyle I want. I want to go to food truck night and eat with our neighbors. I don't want to BYO all the time. I just want to check it out and make a wise decision on the front end. I want my kids to have ice cream in the summer. Before we would have had a coke, sweets all day and ice cream. Today, ice cream felt like a treat worth walking for to my boys and we met a few new friends.