September 14, 2015

I finally got a chance to hear Kristina's voice today. She has been busy taking online classes, having visitors to her island home and holding baby sea turtles. My mom and I chatted with her as we drove to Denver. She's really tired and I tried to convince her Spark is her temporary answer. She's not so sure. 

Scott and I are building a new home. It's a dream come true and for that we are humbled and grateful. I finalized all of our interior choices today. I can't wait to see how it turns out. I love designing homes. I think I should have went to school for it. I can be strategic and creative, artistic and practical, modern and warm, thrifty and eccentric. I have been working with an incredibly talented company, IRG. They assign a designer to help you, ours was Ann and she is fantastic to work with. I left today with all the samples strategically grouped, kitchen, bathroom, and so on. The next time I see these samples they will be on walls and floors. They will come to life. 

We have put together a budget for this investment and we are staying on track, however, some days thinking about paying for the house is my personal torture chamber. (It's a complicated process. The juggling act begins with selling our current home.) Not only that but I have some strong emotions around money. I feel shame when I spend money and proud when I save it. Pride and shame are strong emotions and they war when I take my wallet out. This gets complicated internally.  Whether I spend money on a Frappuccino, a cabinet or a gift it makes my head spin.  It's fair to say I have some sizable shadows around money. I don't want to feel pride or shame around money. I want to be wise.  This battle waged war on me today as I finalized our choices. There is this story about a guy with talents, one buried it, the other spent it and another invested it. I'm more comfortable burying. Building and investing takes courage and vulnerability in friendships and life. 

Andy Stanley is doing a series right now called What Makes You Happy. It's SO good! When I go on walks I bring my phone. I go to this link and click, watch message. I let Andy keep me company while I walk. I walk in low traffic areas, so I don't wear headphones. I like to hear the birds and the bugs, the cars and the planes zooming by, the wind rustling the leaves and Andy's sermon all at the same time. Strangers walking by probably think I am strange, but it's a pretty nice way to start a day.  I better get to bed and apologize for my sticker shock attitude soaked in shame.