New Year's Eve

Happy New Year's Eve! This year I have resolved not to resolve! 

I don't have a ton of control over what's coming at me in 2016, so I think I'm just going to try and let waves of grace wash over me and my family as we try to ride the stormy seas. Yes, I want to read, workout, embrace love and laughter and incredible meals with friends. I want that every year. I just don't want to be consumed by any of these things. It seems each day is unique. Each day has its challenges, opportunities, moments of love and laughter, minutes of sadness and anger, tender moments and scary moments and I don't want to miss the day with my stubborn agenda. This year I am more aware that I am really not in control and I sure hope that God is.

The truth is I'm pretty anxious about 2016. This year will certainly be different than any other. Here are a few of our upcoming changes:

1. We are listing our house in January! It's this simple, showings with a house full of busy kids is enough to give me a few sleepless nights. Here's what's running through my head:
Don't forget to hide the tuba.
Seriously, you left your underwear in the middle of the bathroom again?
Legos, Legos, and Legos! We have tried to contain them and yet they are still here. 

My makeup is everywhere.
Is there any way on earth I can stay on top of my laundry?
Does any of the food make it to your mouth?
Just saying five people in one house. We live here. It never looks like a catalog. So just pray I don't lose my shit when I get the two-hour until a showing text.

2. We are building a house. This is a dream come true for me! Building a house brings it's own level of uncertainty. Who knows when it will be done? The timing of closing one house and buying another is a bit unnerving. Fear and doubt are making me question what we already decided to do. UGH. Lame. Why am I not more confident? The uncertainty gets to me. Until it's done I am a little restless. Yes, incredibly excited and anxious.

3. Scott has a really cool opportunity to travel a lot with work this year. This is awesome! This also means our life will look really different than it has any other year. We are making some big adjustments in our family life. The big one for me is I am leaving my current job so I can steady the ship at home a bit better. I am sad to leave work. The sharpening and relationships through work will be a sore loss. Yet, I am excited to be able to stay home with the kids. With Scott and I both working weekends the kids were on their own more.  I want more influence than what our schedules were allowing. Not to mention time is FLYING! I only have a few years left and I want to be home with them. This is really exciting and a huge shift for me.

Those are the biggies, job changes and a move. A battle has commenced. I'm battling fear and anxiety and I want to live with courage, hope and joy. It's ON! 

I am guessing I am not alone. Fear is a real battle. Everyone has different situations and triggers, but the battle is real. Life is scary. Jesus knew we would have fear. His closest friends were afraid of storms, perceptions of others, what to eat and drink, what to wear, sickness, loss, life and death. I am finding one of the greatest comforts in fear is love. I had lunch with some dear friends yesterday and we were sharing joys and struggles of 2015. There is some rough stuff that went down in 2015 and there is great uncertainty that 2016 brings for each woman at the table. There was something so soothing about being at a table where you knew no matter what tornado ran over you in 2015 and what storm 2016 may bring in this circle of friends you will find love. It was a soothing balm of love. As friends and family we try to love each other well, yet of course, imperfectly. God's love for each individual is whole, unending, never giving up love. I hope no matter what 2015 brought and 2016 holds each day you find moments of LOVE.  Let’s ring it in!